Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
