My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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