the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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