she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
