The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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