wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
