Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
