My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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