I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
