He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
