there's paper in my vomit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
