Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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