WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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