I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
