filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
