i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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