i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
