I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
