I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
