Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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