It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
