i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
