He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
