My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
