we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
