just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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