I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
