Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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