The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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