Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
