so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
