im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
