Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
