ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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