I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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