remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
