I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
