I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
