question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
