dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
