you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
