Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
