Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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