yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
