I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
