So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
