Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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