this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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