I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
