he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
