that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
